Strawberries and Cream Sandwich

FamilyMart - ¥320 - Served Cold

Psychedelic use amongst members of the food industry has a long and well documented history, which there is no need to rehash here.

When the foodologists at FamilyMart Japan returned from their latest business trip, they brought with them one of the most unwelcome sandwich recipes to ever exist.

The Strawberries and Cream Sandwich has all the joy of Strawberries and the saturated fats you've come to expect from Cream, with the unwelcome texture of bread.

Surely if you can put two pieces of bread around this beloved desert and call it a sandwich then any food can be sandwich-ized.

Some may say that this represents the final death-throws of a culture that has run out of new ideas, others would be wrong. In the meantime readers are urged to keep two pieces of bread on them at all times.

Author's Notes: 
Contents of Pandora's Lunchbox: Carb-Un-Load (Potato and Laxative Sandwich), Hair of the Dog (Jack Daniels and Dog Meat Sandwich, Sandwich and Sandwich Sandwich (for sandwich and recursion enthusiasts).

Store Review: Hi-Life

Many people have commented on the great selection and discounts available at Hi-Life, so I thought I would go check it out for myself. 

The following is based on true events.

Entering the store, the air was thick with the stench of death. The floor, a greasy carpet of hair, dirt and despair; A far cry from the futuristic gleam of 7eleven.

From behind the counter unattractive staff members glare their unwelcome. They have given up on stacking shelves, and on life.

I choose my snack from the poultry selection and make my way towards the counter.

In a final act of indignity my Twix was incorrectly labeled - advertised price NTD$30, actual price NTD$35.

Grotesque.

Ham and Cheese Sandwich

FamilyMart - NT$25 - Served Cold

In an act of breathtaking industrial espionage the perverts at FamilyMart have stolen and reverse engineered 7eleven's famous Ham and Cheese Sandwich.

The once balanced and sensuous design now replaced by a bombastic, egocentric and decadent 5 slices of bread and sickening 2 pieces of ham! A classic case of more being less.

This new configuration completely disrupts the flavor continuum put in place by the expert food scientists at 7eleven. In it's place we have a sandwich that tastes like a piece of cardboard smeared in pig excrement.

 3.5/5 Stars

Author's Notes: Cargo cult sandwich making that - in the broader context of world events - can only be seen as yet another sign of impending societal collapse.

Pizza Bread

7eleven - NT$39 - Served Hot

The carcase of an endangered Ham and Pineapple Pizza, illegally poached and mounted on a thickly crusted piece of bread.

These toppings may not look quite as happy as they did in their natural habitat, but they will provide you with just as much joy when eaten.

Author's Notes: Tip: Unleash the flavor by cutting from one corner to another, creating two triangles (natures tastiest shape).

Ham and Cheese Sandwich

7eleven - NT$25 - Served Cold

Of all the sandwiches available at 7eleven, this is the one that resonates with me most on an emotional level.

Labeled, but not willing to be defined by it's circumstances. This triple decker breaks free from 'polite' societies demands that sandwiches come it two separate parts.

Perfectly cushioned between four slices of fluffy white bread; This singular slab of palindromic perfection balances it's flavors with trisecting taste funnels of cheese, ham, then cheese again.

Not to be missed.

Author's Notes: Tip: Trick close minded relatives by joining two together to create one 'normal' sandwich.

Chocolate Covered Malt Balls

 

7eleven - NT$?? - Served Cold

Each malty ball of goodness will hit your taste buds like an aerial bombardment on a hospital full of children.

Devastatingly tasty.

Author's Notes: Feeling: Socially Conscious

Ham, Cheese, Tuna and Sweetcorn Sandwich

7eleven - NT$35 - Served HotGolden, cheese encrusted bread acts as the stage from which the Majestic Ham, Coquettish Cheese, and Rambunctious Tuna and Sweetcorn put on their performance. A taste sensation of Shakespearean proportions.Served tepid and moist, straight from a 20 second dance in the microwave; This blockbuster triangular snack will have even the most die-hard vegans salivating.

Author's Notes: Time of day: Afternoon, Mood: Circumspect